How to be Mindful in a Fight

Be more conscious in conflict.

So often, we get triggered and say something we later regret. Be kinder to yourself and your relationships by choosing to slow down, apply mindfulness techniques, and prioritize your needs.

My recommendations come in two stages. Firstly, when you are in a regulated state, you can explore how you typically show up in arguments. What are your patterns and tendencies? Do you shut down and walk away? Do you minimize your own needs and try to take care of the other person? How does the argument begin and end? Ideally this work will happen with a trained therapist, so you have support in your process and can dive deep, but starting with your journal can be helpful too. The better you understand yourself and your patterns, the more you can reflect on what isn’t working and choose differently.

Secondly, be more mindful in the argument itself. This requires frequent check-in’s. How are you feeling emotionally? How are you feeling in your body? What do you need in that moment? You may need to take a break, breathe, ask for support, be vulnerable—but you aren’t conscious of it because you’re too busy reacting. So slow down, pause, and assess.

Finally, set an intention with yourself: “I want to be more mindful when I argue. I want to take better care of myself so that I can listen better and communicate more effectively. I want my arguments to be productive, so that I learn more about my needs in the process.”

Disagreements can be healthy and helpful, but they need to be held in compassion for yourself and the other. Be patient with yourself as you navigate these dynamics. It’s rewarding but challenging work.